This kid is pretty cute, but my kid is cuter!
Hopefully after reading the previous post, you all understand Smarty and his unique way of learning. I desperately need some advice about potty-training, so please put on your thinking caps and help me figure this one out.
Smarty started staying dry all night and pooping at the same time each day forever ago, like two years ago. He started paying attention and notifying us of bodily functions at the start of 2007. He wants very much to be a big boy and go in the potty like Mom and Dad. He's totally into the rewards for going in the potty, and by all descriptions, should be ready to train.
However, it's not going so well. One problem is that he's uncomfortable going on the toilet. We've tried his own little potty chair, we've put it in the bathroom, we've put it in front of the TV, we've tried the padded seat you put on the grown up potty, backwards on the toilet, forwards on the toilet, and even the tub. We've let him eat and/or drink while on the potty. We've watched demonstrations and discussed in detail what was happening. (a little scary, I know) We wait until that strategic moment when his bladder is about to burst and then sit him down for a book or a singing session, but he just squirms and whines 'till we put him back in his diaper and then he lets it all go. We talk about relaxing his body and letting it happen while he's on the potty, but it almost seams beyond his ability to relax and let it happen. He tries really hard, but he isn't making his body relax. Obviously he has some degree of bladder control, but it may be involuntary.
This problem is starting to lesson, and I'm hoping it will pass on it's own. Here's the bigger problem: I don't think he is connecting with the "urge" that warns you when it's time to go. Everyone tells me that once he goes potty in the toilet, he'll get it and all will be well. We all know that's not how my child works, and he has gone in the toilet 3 or 4 times, but wets his undies immediately after. It's just not been enough to cement his muscle memory yet.
With other large motor skills we've just moved his body for him until it was subconscious enough he could do it, but how can I possibly do that with potty-training? I can set him up so that the urge is strong, but until he allows himself to relax and go, I can't make him go. Also, I can't identify the urge and point it out for him if he's completely unaware of it himself. I've been told to watch until he's pushing and then get him to the potty quick, but being rushed into something causes my little Smarty to freak out. He doesn't respond well to being thrown into something, and when I've tried this, it seams to make him tense up and squirm all the more.
Help me out please! How can we do this in a pleasant and reaffirming way? Do I give it more time and hope his inability to relax passes, or is there something I should be doing right now?
6 comments:
Hi! Thanks for the question and sending me your blog address. I have two blogs (as you can see). Potty training is one of those things that you really just have to NOT stress out about! Even with Apraxia (which is almost always more than just "verbal" as a doctor would say.) Apraxia means without ("a") muscle control ("praxis")= a praxia= a condition lacking muscle control. This can affect so many parts of the child outside of their speech! Potty training is a big one.
My advice: Don't rush him. He's very young. My son was SIX when he was finally what I would call potty trained, and even now at 7 he still doesn't notice the urge to go (I notice the potty dance) until he's REALLY needing to go. And he pooped his pants right up until he was totally potty trained.
I've heard some have had some luck with taking everything off from the waist down and having them run around au'naturale for the summer, with a potty chair handy constantly. That might work, might not. It might just make him think it's cool to pee in the bushes. :-\
Also, if neighbors are nearby, I don't know if I'd want my son running around in the nude.
I think above all, don't stress. It WILL come. He will not be in fourth grade and pooping his pants. He won't sleep in a pull up in college. Be consistent, don't give up but maybe ease up.
Another thing is maybe he is having some bladder spasm type issues. Might be worth an exam by a doctor, and maybe a bladder scan/VCUG to see if everything works the way it is supposed to.
Keep moving forward, you can do it!
~MommaKnows
I just read further into your blog and realize he is 5... so not so young but still...
It will come!! I never thought it would, but it did. And it literally took years, but it did. Hang in there.
Wow! She seems to have some great advice. What a blessing! I know as a parent we sometimes just really want our kids to make those milestones. Big D didn't potty train until right before kindergarten. We still have problems and he doesn't have the same problems as Smarty. I would say let him do what he wants don't have a time frame. It will be easier on all of you.
This is hard. I am having kind of the same issue with Miss Piper. I wouldn't worry too much, he is only 3 right? That's not a big deal, especially for a boy. I hate to give advice, because I don't like to sound like I know everything, but I would just keep doing what you are doing, whether he goes or not, just to keep the repetition going. What I personally would not do is wait until he starts pushing and then throw him on there, where you said it freaks him out. You don't want him to think it's scary or traumatic, that will probably just make it worse.
Someone mentioned an idea that I have actually been kind of doing with Piper. I just let her run around with nothing on her butt, no diaper, no panties, and just bring the potty around wherever we are in the house. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Although that only works if you are willing to clean pee off the carpet.
I really think you shouldn't worry too much, he'll get it. It will happen. Having potty trained 2 boys, I am a firm believer in there is no way they will do it before they are ready, and I also don't believe you should force them when they aren't.
Nick was 2 years old almost to the day and it took one day, seriously. He absolutely did not want to pee in his little ninja turtle unders. It took one time of peeing his pants and he figured it out.
Tyler? Not so much. I promise you he was over 4 when he was finally potty trained completely. He would have run around for hours with wet or pooped in pants, it didn't bother him at all.
I know there is a lot of social pressure to train them early and you feel like a horrible parent when your kids are 4 and not potty trained, but it's not that big a deal. It's far worse to force or punish them, making them even more traumatized to go.
I don't know, just my 2 cents.
Good Luck!
I'm glad that I could help! I just had a thought, regarding running around with no bottoms on... What about letting him just wear a LONG T-Shirt? (If he's a 3T or 4T, get him a kid's 10/12, so it's thigh length?) My boys sleep in big tshirts. Nothing shows, but the entire bottom would be open to the breeze, and the potty chair.
I guess it depends on how hot it gets where you are, but it's just a thought!
Be patient! I know, we the gift of patience RIGHT NOW! It sounds like you are moving in exactly the right direction. My children do not suffer from this same affliction, but none of them were potty trained before 3. We never made much of an issue about it with them, and for each, one day came when they no longer wanted to wear the diaper. Or the pull-up. And accidents were scarce. Your children are so precious, just make sure he knows how happy you are about what he is successful at, and that will give him confidence that he can accomplish whatever he needs to. He is probably just as anxious as you to work this out.
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