Sweety's Tender Testimony

My Sweety's prayer tonight: (to the best of my remembrance)

"Dear Heavenly Father. Thank you for this day. It was a good day. How was your day today? I hope you had a good day, Father. I hope you are real. I think you are. My dad says you are real, and I trust him. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

Thanks, Dad, for the inspiring Family Home Evening lesson. This kid is such a special soul. Oh, how I pray we can help him learn everything he needs to nourish his beautiful spirit!

Which One are You?

The first one to apologize is the bravest. The first one to forgive is the strongest. And the first one to forget is the happiest.

Sweety's Sprouting Testimony

Sweety will be turning eight next summer and making a decision about being baptized. In preparation for that, we want him to have at least a basic understanding of what the gospel is and what he's agreeing to try to do.

We also want him to genuinely understand what faith is and how it works. And above all, we want him to definitely feel the Holy Ghost communicating with him through thoughts and feelings. We don't expect him to have a total understanding or a ton of experience, but we want him to at least know how to go about finding and recognizing truth.

So, we've begun missionary discussions. We only do one a month, so we can have lots of time to work on the assignments and absorb the material. I hope that will give us enough material to amply prepare Sweety to make a decision.

This last month, the discussion was all about the Joseph Smith story. The assignment was to learn about it, ponder on it, then pray about it. So we spent the next Family Home Evening on it and then pondered it for two weeks. Over that time, we continually brought the story up and talked about various parts of it. We also studied about what a testimony is and how to get one.

Yesterday, we went over the Joseph Smith story again. Then we all knelt as Sweety prayed and told Heavenly Father what he thought about it and asked Heavenly Father to help him know if it was a true story or not. When Sweety finished his prayer, we waited for stirrings and feelings.

At first, nothing much happened. Sweety said he felt good feelings in his heart, but it was pretty clear that he was only responding out of obligation. So we waited and talked some more, and pretty soon, the spirit was abundant. We were all feeling it. I could see it written on my boys' faces as they smiled and laughed.

Smarty said, "I feel like I'm being tickled, but I'm not being tickled." Which I thought was a perfect way to describe the bubbly happiness that was welling up in him.

At that point, Sweety identified that the Holy Ghost was sending happy, peaceful feelings to his heart. It was so fun to witness this beginning of a testimony in him. I asked him, "What happened to your swelling testimony seed?" He made a fist by his chest and popped one finger up to indicate that his testimony seed was sprouting.

I hope he never forgets that experience or the feeling that came with it. I promised him he could have that great feeling always once he was baptized and received the Holy Ghost.

Smarty Finds a Kindred Spirit

We've been reading this with Smarty:

It's a little bit more meaty than Smarty is used to, but he's handling it okay. We definitely love all the pictures.

Smarty was fascinated by stories of early 1800's frontier living, but I think he was having a hard time trying to relate to this situation so far removed from his own. However, when we got to page 15, the light turned on.

We were learning about Abraham Lincoln's stepmother, Sally. Smarty suddenly perked up when I read, "As a boy, Abraham was not noted for being particularly smart. But Sally could see that he was; he simply had a different way of learning."

Smarty stopped me and said, "Hey! That's like me!"

I nodded and went on, "He wasn't fast, but he worked at what he wanted to learn with a passion."

Again, Smarty stopped me and said, "Like me!"

I read some more, "And once he knew something, he never forgot it."

Smarty, "Like me!"

"Sally said, '...he must understand everything--even to the smallest thing--minutely and exactly--he would then repeat it over to himself again and again...'"

Smarty, "Like me! Like me!"

By this time, Smarty was bouncing up and down on the couch, but the similarities kept on going. I continued to read Sally's words, "'...and when [the thing] was fixed in his mind to suit him, he became easy and he never lost that fact or his understanding of it.'"

A laughing Smarty exclaimed, "Me too! Me too!"

Smarty is now enraptured with Abraham Lincoln--at the least the boy version. I just think it's great to see him identifying with someone who grew up to do something meaningful for humankind. I have no doubts that Smarty can too.

Gratitude Tree

Jesus Christ was the first Christmas gift--from our Father to us. All we can offer in return, the only thing we posses that He didn't give us first, is our heart, will, and desire.

Ben's brilliant mom and dad sent us a Christmas gift to foster that.

The boys had a really good time opening the package 

and setting up the tree.

Grandma packaged it with such care. We were all caught up in the beauty of the ribbon, beads, and delicate snowflake ornaments. I loved the little basket and papers with lovely green borders. Each empty page promising to hold a great memory.

I have always believed that happiness leads to gratitude, which leads to happiness, which leads to gratitude, which leads to more happiness. It's a lovely upward spiral.

The thing that was new to me in this lesson, is that gratitude also leads to peace. Contentment comes from being thankful for what you have and demanding nothing more. 

Gratitude also leads to hope. Satisfaction with the past and present leads one to be optimistic about the future.

We started with three pages each and wrote down something we were thankful for, but in no time, it wasn't enough. Soon we were all grabbing more and filling them up. We had to guard that we didn't use them all. Dad hasn't had a turn yet.

 Then we rolled them up and attached them to the Christmas symbol for everlasting life. 

Our attempt to give something to our Heavenly Father in return for all He's given to us, left our hearts soaring.

Our gratitude tree glows, beautifully. 

It's just a reflection of our grateful hearts.

Four Keys to Successful Child Rearing

I ran across this talk I gave in Sacrament Meeting a few months ago. It was a timely accident. I've needed another reminder this week.

Four Keys to Successful Child Rearing

Thoughts on M. Russell Ballard’s April ’99 General Conference Address,

Like a Flame Unquenchable

I am not here to tell you how to raise your children. I realize I’m still new at this. I know my toughest years are still to come. Most of you know more about parenting than I do, and I look to you when I am unsure how to proceed as a mother. All I can do, today, is share my plan with you. I am going to talk about how I am raising my children.

If you are not a parent, or if your children are already raised, please do not zone out on me. So much of this applies to any relationship. I’m focusing on my relationship with my children, because this is where I feel the most responsibility for shaping the outcome. If you are not currently raising children, please apply my ideas to whichever relationship in which you feel the most responsibility.

I’ve put many years of study and thought into this. I’m doing my best to anticipate negative situations and to put preventative strategies in place. I’m doing this as thoroughly and quickly as possible too.

I remember I was only about 12-years-old when I began to think of my parents as old-fashioned and out of touch with what felt, to me, like an unprecedented time. I knew what they expected. And while they still served in an advisory role for me, it was many years before I realized that while the issues of the 90’s may have looked different from my parents’ experiences in the 50’s and 60’s, the problems and solutions of my world were—and still are—essentially very much like theirs’.

I was nearly out of high school before I began to really truly listen to them again. Luckily—or, perhaps, not so luckily—my parents had already given me, at age 12, enough tools to find the right answers for myself. I floundered and struggled for a few years, but when I was ready to stop messing around, I knew how to go about figuring things out and finding my own testimony.

So when I became a mother back in 2004, I decided that whatever direct steering and influencing I wanted to do, for Will, had to essentially be done within the next 11 years. Any time after that would be considered a bonus. By my watch, we’re almost there. I promise you, I am working, feverishly, to make this time count.

Elder Russell M. Ballard, in the April ’99 General Conference, suggested four things that are essential to good relationships:

1-   Information
2-   Communication
3-   Intervention
4-   Example

Information

Elder Ballard says, “The most important, life-changing information that I know of is the knowledge that we are truly children of God our Eternal Father. This is not only doctrinally correct, it is spiritually vital…To know Heavenly Father and to understand our relationship to Him as our Father and our God is to find meaning in this life and hope in the life to come.” If we don’t know that, there is no point in learning any part of His gospel. So teach your children how to find this truth for themselves. Teach them to pray about it and recognize the spirit’s response. Talk to them about what they feel. It will take some time for them to develop a powerful, burning testimony all their own, but help them at least get started.

We are all amazed by the commitment and drive of the first members of this church. They struggled and pushed through impossible situations and terrible circumstances. Haven’t we all wondered ‘how on earth did they do it?’. Elder Ballard points out that knew the gospel well. They were educated about what they were sacrificing for. And they were truly committed to keeping the covenants they had made with their Heavenly Father.

Make sure your children know the gospel stories. Make sure that when they make their baptismal covenant, they know and understand at least as much as new converts do. Help them be educated before they are baptized. They cannot develop burning, pioneer strength testimonies if they do not know what the doctrines of the gospel are.

Remember, it is not the primary’s job, to teach your kids the gospel. The purpose of primary is to support you in teaching your kids the gospel. We will try to pick up as much slack as we can. But we only spend a few hours a week with your kids. You must be the “primary” gospel source for your kids.

Elder Ballard advises us not to let peer groups, the schools, the media, or even the church leaders and teachers be the biggest source of source of influence over our young people. You be that biggest source.

Communication

Communication, including listening, is paramount. We all know this. But do we really do it? Elder Ballard cautions, what we see in each other’s eyes and feel in our hearts is more than what we are saying and hearing. Real communication is so much more than just words.

(PAUSE AFTER QUESTIONS)

Do you know what your kids know about any given gospel topic? Do you know what they understand about standards such as sex and pornography, missionary service, basic gospel doctrine, ect.?

Do not just assume that what you’ve said in the past has been absorbed. Learn what your kids actually do know by asking them questions. Have them teach mini lessons at Family Home Evening. Then you can revise your teaching as needed.

I have three eighteen-year-old nephews. Two of them have given the family cause to worry over the years. They have been the focus of much intervening. But the third nephew never has caused us worry. He went through his childhood making all the right choices and jumping through all the right hoops. We all just assumed he would go on doing so. For the last year or so, we’ve all been waiting and watching for him to get going with mission preparations, but it hasn’t happened. 

Finally, just a few months ago, someone asked him about his relationship with his Heavenly Father. He admitted that he didn’t have a testimony of his own. He hadn’t figured any of it out for himself. None of us knew that. Any one of us could have helped him with that, but we didn’t know to, because we didn’t ask.

At this point it is too late for anyone to directly steer him toward gaining that testimony. He is in charge of what he will be studying from here on out. He must seek out the truth of the gospel, himself, if he finds the desire to do so. Perhaps some probing questions, much earlier in his life, would have shown what he needed to be taught when the opportunity was available to do so.

Intervention

Pick your battles!

When deciding how to handle something we did that my mother did not agree with she would always ask herself this, “Is it a preference or a priority?” If the disagreement was a matter of preference, she would express her opinion and then let it go. But if the disagreement was a priority, she would let us know.

I have a brother who really got into that whole fad of bleaching his hair white and then dying it all sorts of bizarre colors with Kool-Aide. He looked like a goon for a year or two. My mom was incredibly patient with that whole thing. She let it go, because hair color is not an eternal principle of the gospel. Then later, when she came to that same brother with an issue that was a priority, not just a preference, he was more willing to listen.

Elder Ballard warns us to judge the situation; do not destroy the relationship.

Then he goes on to say, “It is the parents’ duty to intervene when they see wrong choices being made. That doesn’t mean that parents take from children [or teens] the precious gift of agency...But as parents we need to make sure they understand appropriate behavior and the consequences [of pursuing a wrong course of action].”

To me, this means that whatever age our children may be, tiny or nearly adult, we have the obligation to talk to them about the choices they make and what the consequences will be. But unless they are in immediate physical danger, or causing someone else immediate physical danger, we do not take away their agency by forcing them to do what we want. They cannot learn to choose the right if we force them to do the right.

We do not always have the ability to force, anyway. So spend the opportunities you have letting them experiment with choosing the right and finding that you know what you’re talking about.

We have allowed our children to crash scooters, and fall off counters, and break beloved toys and DVD’s that we won’t replace, and give up fun opportunities when obligations were not met, because after being warned, they made their own choices. I hope that by doing this, they are learning to trust us. I hope that later, when the consequences become more serious, they will believe our warnings.

I also find in myself a desire to exaggerate about consequences or to offer little white lies when the truth is inconvenient or uncomfortable. But because of my mother’s example, I resist this desire. I know she is completely trustworthy, and wouldn’t mislead me, because she never has, regardless of the situation.

This last Christmas, Will asked me an important question about a certain Christmas figure. When this has happened in the past I’ve countered by asking him what he thinks and such. But this year, he would not be distracted. He wanted to know what I thought. So, realizing there would be a cost involved, I was honest in my response.

His heart did break a little and he shed some tears, and I have since received criticism from friends, but I don’t regret it. I hope that when Will asks me about my belief in God, he will completely trust me when I tell him that I do believe in God and have felt the Holy Spirit testifying to me on that point. Besides, Will really enjoyed being involved “behind the scenes” of our Christmas preparations this year.

So, with regard to that most delicate of situations, intervening in your teenager or young adult son or daughter’s situation, I realize I have had zero real experience, but here’s my theory: I intend to be entirely honest about what I believe and feel, while exercising delicacy and tact, and hopefully, allow them to make their own choices, just as our Heavenly Father has done for us.

I remember when I was a young adult in college; I was considering marriage to a boy that my parents didn’t like at all. On multiple occasions they discussed their thoughts and feelings with me. They were very clear about why they felt the way they did and what they thought the consequences of marrying him could be.

I was stubborn, however, and eager to exercise my newly-achieved status of independent adult. So I argued and argued. Looking back, I can see that I was just waiting for my parents to outright forbid me from marrying him, so I could do just that.

Of course, this realization terrifies me now. I am so grateful my parents did not attempt to take my agency away from me on this point, even though I’m sure they were scared to death at the time. Because they taught me well, and gave me room to make my own choice, I was able to choose freely and not respond to a command. And thanks to Facebook, I can see that their predictions, about what my life would have been like had I married this guy, were not far from the truth.

Also, remember praise is just as important, to intervening, as criticism. Think about the examples in your life. Am I right? (flash a thumbs-up) Good on ya for all the times you do it!

Example

This last point is, in my opinion, the most important of all. So if I’ve lost your attention, please come back to me!

We all know that our children are watching us. But I think we would all be quite surprised to find out how much our children actually see. We cannot expect our children to honor, with exactness, the commandments we give them, unless we honor, with exactness, the commandments our Father has given us. So we must buck up and do it, if we want them to do it too.

Listen to this most perfect statement from Elder Ballard, “…one thing is certain: the commandments have not changed. Let there be no mistake about that. Right is still right. Wrong is still wrong, no matter how cleverly cloaked in respectability or political correctness…It is neither subject to public opinion polls nor dependent upon the situation or circumstance. There is no need to debate it.”

So the first thing we need to do is examine our own store of information. Do we have a solid, burning, pioneer-strength testimony of gospel principles? If not, lets get one! Each time we are exposed to gospel doctrine, lets pray about it and allow the spirit to testify of the truths we are hearing. This will give us the courage we need to keep commandments when the going gets tough.

Next, lets train ourselves to stay focused on the long-term, and eternal, results of our choices, rather than getting bogged down by the inconvenience of how those choices affect us day to day.

Elder Ballard says, “Sometimes we are tempted to let our lives be governed more by convenience than covenant. It is usually not convenient to share the gospel with others. It is [rarely] convenient to respond to a calling in the Church, especially one that stretches our abilities [beyond our zone of comfort].” Our neighbors’ need for a helping hand or meal rarely happens on a lazy Saturday afternoon when we have nothing going on and our pantry and fridge are stalked with plenty of things to share. Tithing isn’t only due when all our financial obligations are met and there’s plenty of money left over. 

“But there is no spiritual power in living by convenience. The power comes as we keep our covenants.

“As we look at the lives of these early Saints, we see that their covenants were the primary force in their lives. Their example and testimony were powerful enough to influence generation after generation or their children”

That is the way we can best influence our children, too.

Summary

1- Give your children gospel information:

-       Help them start their personal relationship with their Heavenly Father.

-       Teach them the gospel yourself.

-       Educate them about baptismal covenants before and after they make them.

2- Truly Communicate:

-       Do not just preach.

-       Ask clarifying questions.

-       Do not assume they know or understand what you’ve taught.

3- Intervene with love, not force:

-       Is it a priority or a preference?

-       DO NOT FORCE.

-       Be completely honest.

-       Praise when possible

4- Set the example:

-       Strengthen your own testimony.

-       Keep your covenants with exactness before expecting the same of your kids.

Because of agency, we have no guarantee that, if we do all this stuff, our families will march through, unscathed. But it is my firm belief that these are the best methods to create closer families and eternal happiness.

I join with Elder Ballard in praying that “the fire of our covenants may burn in our hearts like a flame unquenchable” leading us to absolute righteousness, and thereby, setting the example and paving the way for our children to do the same.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Perspective

Gnu Kneimz (Pronounced "New Names")

Here at our house we've been marveling at how creative parents are, these days, about spelling their kids names. Our names are pretty clear and simple, so naturally we all feel kind of jipped. We've decided the way to make ourselves more noteworthy is to needlessly complicate our lives by using the most obscure and tedious spellings for each sound of our names.

So, please, make a note. Henceforth, we will be using the following spellings for our names:

• Cmar-Deey (pronounced "Smarty")

• Cui-Deigh (pronounced "Sweetie")

• Llhinne (pronounced "Lyn")

• Vhaindgha'mygn (pronounced "Benjamin" using the Spanish "v")

If we are blessed with more children, we're just going to throw a cat at the keyboard and name them whatever shows up on screen. That way not only will our kid's names be spelled creatively, but even better, they're sure to be names that no one's ever used before! That should make our kids really special.

I received this in a forwarded email and thought it worthy of sharing:

Being a Christian is like being a jack-o-lantern.
God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff
--including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.
Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see.

Hopefully I'll remember this the next time I'm in a scraping or carving phase. Happy Halloween all!

Lisa Genova's Still Alice

This book review is scheduled to be published on Barding Well in a few days, but my experience with this book ended up being so personal that I want to include it here as well.

Lisa Genova has earned her stripes and proven her skill with the well-researched masterpiece that is Still Alice.

However, this book confirmed for me that I am far more afraid of loosing my ability to think than I am of pain or infirmity. I will try to bare well any challenge that is thrown my way, but I crave the luxury of retaining my memories and ability to think and reason throughout. I place much value on the minds of older people. I would like to serve future generations the same way my predecessors have served me.

After watching my own sweet grandmother fight a loosing battle with dementia and Alzheimer's I found myself nodding my head a lot throughout this book. I drew many parallels and have gained a greater appreciation for my grandmother's experience.

Watching Alice go through this and realize her own uselessness was horrifying to me, because I thought of how helpless my grandma must have felt while her disease was progressing. I've honestly never considered what Alzheimer's must have been like for her. I've calculated what it meant to my parents, their relationships with siblings, and other relatives and situations. But what must it be like to watch your independence fade and realize what a burden you are becoming and will be to your loved ones? I pray I'll never know.

Another common experience I shared with Alice's family is how much communicating can take place without thinking, through feelings alone. In the later stages of my grandma's experience I remember that even though my grandma couldn't remember anything or anyone from the present, it wasn't hard to figure out if she was being treated with respect or condescension because of the way these incidents affected her mood and self-confidence.

My grandma didn't need to remember any part of a bad or good experience for it to affect her. These experiences drove home to me exactly how important it is to not allow these people to slip through the cracks in our attention.

One important positive feature of Alzheimer's that the book brought out is the unreserved love these people can offer the world. They love like few others can.

Likewise, I remember well, that as my grandmother's expectations and ability to evaluate my decisions dwindled, the love she showed for me increased and multiplied over and over. That love was sincere and fully accepting. It never felt false or inappropriate to me. It was beautiful and so meaningful during my teenage years.

I'm so glad that the end of the story brought Alice's family together and peace to her life. Her family worked hard to help her maintain her quality of life and demonstrated several ways she could add value to their lives.

There are some valuable lessons to be found in this book. Anyone who's life was/is touched by this cruel disease should pick this one up.

Billy Coffey's "An Open Letter to the Buried"

I found some hope for troubling times in this post by Billy Coffey (click here to read it).
If you could use a lift, check it out.

Money Doesn't Grow on Trees; It's Manufactured in ATMs!

Smarty has ATM machines all figured out apparently. He says you put your card into one hole, the machine makes the money, and spits it out the other hole.
Ah.... if only it were that easy.

And by the way, Smarty's favorite Transformer character is Octopus Prime (I wonder if that would change if we actually watched the show). Who's yours?

Thanks for making me smile, Smarty. I absolutely adore you!

20-ish Wishes (In Celebration of My 200th Post)

I just recently published my 200th post, which I think deserves some kind of attention. For my 100th post I listed 100 things I am thankful for (click here for that post). I want to do hopes and wishes this time. But don't worry; while it would be pretty easy to do, I'm not going to list 200 wishes today. Here's my top 20 or so:

• I hope someday to own a home that will meet my family’s long-term needs.
• I hope to be a suitable housekeeper by then too!
• I hope to hold my bachelor’s degree in my hands within the next two years. Or I hope we are blessed with more babies soon. I don’t think it will be possible to have both. But hey, since I’m only musing here, why don’t I go ahead and wish for both?!
• I hope to always see what is genuine/ sincere about others and what is good about them too.
• I hope to always treat everyone I encounter with kindness and tact, but I hope the way I treat people accurately reflects how I feel about them.
• I hope to be aware of my neighbors/ friends/ family’s needs, and I hope to have opportunities to fill those needs as well.
• I hope to be prepared for emergencies and hard times.
• I hope to handle emergencies and hard times with good decisions and a clear conscious.
• And in the interest of full disclosure I’ll admit that I hope to once again reach a size 8 or 10 and stay there at least until the grand kids start coming and it’s fully appropriate to be more soft and squishy. (Wrinkles and loose skin remaining at a minimum would be fantastic too)
  

Of course this list wouldn’t be complete without a fair amount of hope for my family’s future:

• My ultimate hope is that we can all make and remain faithful to the covenants that will allow us to be a family for all of eternity. I can't imagine anything more desirable than being a family with my favorite people forever.
• But as we're heading down that path, I want my children to grow up to be healthy (mentally, physically, spiritually, etc.), unselfish, balanced, educated, contributing members of their various social groups (family, ward, community, country).
• I want them to build personal, meaningful relationships with their Heavenly Father and learn to serve him with mind, body, and soul.
• I hope they learn to serve others and work, hard. But I hope they learn how to play hard too.
• I hope to foster in them an appreciation for nature, family, exercise, good music, and creativity.
• May they learn how to work toward and achieve goals.
• May they develop wonderful imaginations.
• I pray that Ben and I can teach our kids how to be self-sufficient. So much hinges on that.
• I know that much of this depends on the tools and keys that we, their parents, provide. I pray that we will be constantly in tune with the spirit of the Lord, that we might do a thorough job.
  
• I hope to someday be the mother my beautiful boys deserve, and likewise, I hope I will someday be the wife my amazing husband deserves too.
• I hope I spend enough quality time with my boys to provide them with a solid foundation and not an unhealthy dependence.
• With all that said, I hope I can convey to my children my total adoration and unconditional love. These are only my hopes. There are no expectations that they must meet in order to win my love or approval. These are not benchmarks that must be hit for my children to make me happy.

I only hope for these things because I believe they offer true happiness and freedom to the possessor. This isn't about something that I want from my children; this is something I want for my children.

I guess that's enough for now. Thanks for listening. Let me close with one final wish; I hope the future shows you all the opportunity and happiness you can handle. Lots of love, Lynners

Road Test

At the beginning of December, the painted stripes and dashes marking the lanes of a major arterial road near my house faded into uselessness. With 3 lanes of traffic each direction and a turning lane in between, driving back and forth on this stretch of road amongst the throng of Christmas shoppers, got to be a bit like bumper cars there for 3 weeks or so. Many times, particularly during bad weather, I would have given my left big-toe for the tiniest hint of anything denoting lanes! Those moments of serious frustration gave birth to the following parental theory:

Before I begin my little list of metaphors I must recognize that mothering two preschoolers hardly qualifies me as an expert, so I will say that I only hope to be able to parent in this way, but all is subject to change with my on-going parental education.

Painted lines vs. caution cones and barricades. When the lanes of my local highway were unclear, I longed for the simplicity of painted lines. I'm far less comfortable driving next to orange barrels or worse, through a luge of cement barricades. And so life was for me as a kid too. Now that I'm the parent, I hope that by providing a foundation of "why's" behind most of my directions, my kids will only need a bit of paint to stay on the strait and narrow and won't require more forceful measures.

Trust in the road design. How often do you as a driver wonder why a road was laid out in a certain way, instead of the way that makes far more sense to you? How often do we question the advise of our parents? I aim to be consistent and totally honest, so that when my kids wonder why they are directed to do something that appears to be contrary to their good sense, they will trust me and follow my directions anyway.

Incident management. I expect that slip-ups and even accidents will happen. Some will be caused by my kids; some will be the fault of others. I want to be the first at the scene to pick my boys up, brush them off, and point them down the road again. If I can't be there, I hope that my sons' roads will be so clearly marked that they'll be able to set themselves strait again.

The road less traveled. (C'mon I'm an English major. You knew there had to be a Frost allusion at some point!) As my little guys grow, they are bound to encounter roads with no markings at all and scenarios we've never discussed, but if I've done my job well, then my kids will be able to make informed decisions and know where to go for solid advise.

May my boys' ways never be dull and flat, and may their good trips outweigh the bad, but above all I hope their journies are as interesting and largely joyful as mine has been so far.

Now that you've politely endured my pontificating, what can you add to or correct about this theory?

Life is Like Running a Marathon

The Plan of Salvation according to L.D.S. doctrine explained with the metaphor of the Boston Marathon. This is great.

Never give up. Especially when it's hard.

Advice for Fellow Bloggers

NOTE: The formatting is totally weird on this post, because I cut and pasted some of this from a Word file, and it didn't translate well. Sorry about that, but I don't have time to fix it right now.

We are currently reading from Clear Blogging by Bob Walsh (Apress 2007) in my Web 2.0 class. I'm learning a TON from this book. I highly recommend it to anyone wanting to be a serious blogger. Here's a few ideas from the book (and a few from our class) that I thought might be useful to all who blog:

• Own Your Words. Keep a cool head and don't get carried away. I can't find the exact quote, but Walsh says something like: Never publish anything you wouldn't want your grandma or boss to read, because odds are they will read it.
  

• Keep an idea list. In an un-published draft page or elsewhere, keep a running list of post ideas. Sometimes we have more good ideas than we can possibly write about at the moment, and sometimes we sit at the keyboard with nothing to say. An idea list will help even things out.
• Keep a "my bad" list as well. Notice words that you tend to misspell or mistype. Paying attention to these words will help you correct problems.
  

• Use tabs, labels, or categories. Help your readers find more of what they love. Add tabs, labels, and/or categories to each post to organize your site. Your readers will appreciate being able to find things efficiently.

• Show your favorites or "best of." In your sidebar or somewhere else, display a list of links to your “favorites” or “best of” posts. Your audience will appreciate seeing the work you are most proud of.

If you want to increase traffic to your blog, here's some good ideas:

• Consider a focus. Blogs are a great for keeping a journal or log about your activities and interests. But if you want to attract an audience, choose a specific focus. People who are also interested in whatever you are focusing on will be more likely to re-visit your blog.

• Consider your audience. Place yourself in the shoes of those who you’re writing for. What do they want to hear about?
• Stick to a schedule. Your readers will appreciate knowing when to expect your content to change.
  

• Spend some time on your post titles. The title is the first thing your readers see. They often make the decision to read or not based on the title of the post. The title should be interesting and describe what the post is about.

• Be thoughtful about your tagline. (the subtitle of your blog) Use words that people search for. Your tagline, the titles of your posts, and the first few words of your posts are what search engines will crawl. If you have the words people search for in those areas, you will be placed higher in search result lists.

• Include your biography and a picture of yourself. People interested in your words will want to know about you. If you're willing to disclose part of yourself it lends credibility to your words.

BE CAREFUL!!

Blogs can feel so personal. It’s just you and your computer, right? WRONG! Remember, unless you take specific steps, blogs are a public space.

• Keep your safety in mind. Little details can lead to identity theft, kidnapping, and other problems.
• Know your rights. Occasionally lawsuits are filed over the content of a blog. The EFF have posted a very readable legal guide for bloggers at http://www.eff.org/issues/bloggers/legal. It's worth checking out.
• Consider adding a disclosure policy. If you don't want to be held responsible for any ignorant comments people make, apparently our sue happy society requires that this be spelled out somewhere. If you endorse products or advertise for anything on your blog, you might visit http://disclosurepolicy.org/ for a sample disclosure policy spelling out the intent of your endorsement.
  

Thrououghly Underserving, but Grateful

Here's a pic of the best shorts I have ever had the pleasure of bringing home. Want to know why? Well...


We do okay for money. We're not swimming in it, but as long as we're careful, we always have enough plus a little. We're content to live that way. Yes, Ben certainly has the skills to bring in plenty of secondary work, but the sacrifices required aren't worth the incentive.

But I'm getting a little off-topic. We are usually just fine for money, but that hasn't been the case lately. Without too much whining, may I just say, the last month or so has been a toughie.

The one, out of the ordinary, major expense we were actually planning for July was our annual migration to Az. (The pictures are coming, I promise!!) But before we could get out of town some other financial issues clobbered us. One of our toilets developed a leak (nope, not in the clean water part; in the other part), and ruined the floor. Dang-it! And our fridge went on the fritz.

Then, what started out as some fairly simple repairs on the truck, the one we needed for our journey, turned into a whopping $2,000.00 in work! Ouch. Gratefully, the trip actually ended up costing less than we feared it would (but not a penny less than we had), thanks to some angels (some known and some anonymous) who may never know how much we appreciate their help!

Soon after arriving home, we discovered that Smarty needed several hundred dollars in dental work, immediately. In addition Ben and I are both heading back to school, and while my tuition has been taken care of, we are still trying to come up with the money for Ben's and books. Cha-ching! (BTW, does anyone know where to find cheap text books? I'd love some suggestions) I know we could take out loans for Ben, but we are already trying to pay off old student loans and haven't the stomach for more.

At any rate, there have been some truly scary, overwhelming moments, but we've just kept moving forward doing the best we're able. And I have to say, it's amazing how help arrives, just exactly when you need it! We've had some thoughtful monetary gifts and parental (no interest) loans. As hard as it is to admit that we need that and can't refuse it, I've been so touched by the delight and willingness of the givers. I don't know how we'd survive without their help.

There have been other, fairly near miraculous gifts, that blow my mind. Like how Ben's parents happen to be remodeling their bathroom right now (yes now, and not some other moment in the last decade or two) and wanted to know if we could use a perfectly serviceable toilet and some leftover hardy-backer. My jaw just hit the floor at that.

Then at the dentist yesterday, Smarty actually needed LESS dental work than was anticipated! Have you ever heard of that in your life?! Typically, with a small child who refuses to cooperate for X-rays (so they wait and do them the day of the work, while he's sedated) there's almost unfailingly MORE work to be done! The woman at the front desk asked me, "Would you like to keep $80 in your pocket?" Um.... are you serious? Not only yes, but... well you know!

Also, we have some friends that are just now upgrading their fridge and would love to sell us their old, perfectly serviceable fridge for a ridiculous price. Oh, and yes they'll be happy to hang onto to it until October when we may be a little bit more caught up. Heck, they know we're good for the money, why don't they just bring it over now? (We didn't let them go that far as our fridge is still hanging on by a thread.)

And today, here's the kicker: Smarty recently outgrew all of his clothes. We've been blessed with hand-mi-downs, but still had to buy quite a bit. I've been lamenting that he didn't have any shorts for the hot weather, but with summer waning I couldn't justify digging up the money for any. That was the one thing on our ever-mounting list of expenses that we had to let go of. It hurt a little, because it was a sacrifice that Smarty had to make.

But now, today, when most everything else has been taken care of, or at least we can see how to do it in the near future, a gift coupon arrived from JC Penny, and I was able to walk in to a well-stocked clearance rack and buy my sweet son five pairs of shorts for a dollar!!! No, I'm not kidding! I was/am so grateful that I shamelessly broke down right there in the parking lot and bawled.

Thanks to all who're helping us over this hurdle, and especially to God for being thoroughly aware of our needs right down to Smarty's comfort. For me, those silly pairs of shorts represent the generosity of people who pay attention to the needs of others and happily lend a hand when needed. And every time I dress Smarty in those shorts I will be reminded that my loving Heavenly Father will take care of my little family as long as we're doing the best we can and placing our faith and trust squarely in His promises.

May you all be so blessed.

Observation #9,783 On How Parenthood Has Changed My Perspective

On several different occasions during the last month we've taken our boys to visit a few aunts and uncles, and some of our grandparent's graves. I remember similar outings from my youth, planned and carried out by parents, who were (come to find out) actually wiser than I was! (Who knew?!)

It's not that I minded such outings; I generally looked forward to and enjoyed connecting with these people. That's as far as it went for me, however. I knew we were supposed to be mindful of previous generations, but other than a nice day-out, surrounded by people I love, I didn't take any of it too seriously.

Slowly over the last month, it's been dawning on me that something has changed there. While visiting Ben's grandparent's graves, Ben whipped a shovel and broom out of the back of the truck and put our boys to work edging and weeding the headstones. My heart warmed at this opportunity to teach our boys to give back. Once the graves passed inspection we knelt, and Ben prayed that we might feel a connection to these important people whose influence is still so palpable.

This made me think about my own grandparents and other ancestors and just how much they still mean to me, even those I've never known in this life. Then something in my head finally clicked, and I was completely overwhelmed by how incredibly important it is that I teach my kids about these people and what their lives meant!

Connecting with the individuals that make up our heritage clearly offers us a legacy to uphold and maintain. But more than that, when you examine their individual actions and the sacrifices they made to improve life for those that came after, sometimes with those in mind, that they might never meet, you can't help but feel their arms around you and all the love they have for you.

If nothing else, getting-to-know those who've come before, gives a rebellious teen, or an abused child a reason to be proud of their family and remain connected. If there are troubled relationships within an immediate family, a strong heritage can mend bridges and give all involved, a reason to keep trying. Simpler said: a strong past can bind us together here and now. And I intend to seize every opportunity to stay close to my wonderful children and near-perfect husband.

I have no doubt that my parents and in-laws are thinking, "Yes, that's right. She gets it!" Dad B's probably smacked his forehead and said, "Duh!" already. What can I say? I'm slow, but at least I'm moving, right?

The following is on my rotating quotes list (to the right). I wanted to call attention to it, because I think it's spot-on. I've seen the proof in my life already.

"Son,'he said,' ye cannot in your present state understand eternity...That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, "No future bliss can make up for it," not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And of some sinful pleasure they say "Let me have but this and I'll take the consequences": little dreaming how damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of the sin. Both processes begin even before death. The good man's past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take on the quality of Heaven: the bad man's past already conforms to his badness and is filled only with dreariness. And that is why...the Blessed will say "We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven, : and the Lost, "We were always in Hell." And both will speak truly."— C.S. Lewis

Re-Falling In Love With My Violin

I've recently begun playing my violin again. Years have passed since I last picked up my beautiful violin. It has been almost a decade since I last studied or played in a formalized group of any kind. That's disgusting; I know. Shame on me. But I'm having a much different experience this time around.

I have no high school teachers depending on me to bring attention to their under-funded programs, no jury of college professors to impress in order to make the right grade, no button-busting parents to please (don't worry mom, I now know that was all me. I now know that you'd have been my biggest fan no matter what I chose to do or not do), no required daily 60min. practice sessions to push through, no contests to win or benchmarks & accolades to acquire.

It's true that I've lost a significant portion of the skill I once had. Sometimes it's almost painful to listen to myself, but it's nice to be playing simple songs again. It gives me the opportunity to focus on the basics like I've never done, because I'm more patient with myself than I was a decade ago, and because I can't play very complicated pieces right now. If I keep playing, I believe I will be much better this time around.

I realize that I probably brought upon myself most of the pressure I used to feel. My teachers and professors really weren't vultures pushing their own agendas. I'm sure they wanted me to succeed for myself. But either way that pressure is gone now! It's just me and my violin. I play when I want to and stop when I feel like it. And for the first time in maybe 15 years or so, I'm enjoying a deep sense of satisfaction. Which is as great as anything my violin and I have ever achieved.