My Mom's Wixed Merds.

I promise I got her permission before posting this.

My mother is angelic, truly good to the core. I don't believe her capable of selfish or malevolent thoughts let alone deeds. Not only does she not understand such behavior, she doesn't even know or pay attention to the terminology used to describe it. So when she stumbles on such a word or phrase, and her innocence places her foot squarely in her mouth, it's more than funny for all within earshot!

Case in point: Once while relaxing in the living room, my brother and I could hear my mother in the kitchen, hurriedly looking up the word "funeral" in the phone book. We didn't know that's what she was doing however. For a moment we actually thought she'd lost it, because what we heard was Mom stiffly turning pages one after the other saying, "F-U! F-U! F-U!" Which can hold a little more meaning than she intended!

Another time, on a hot summer day when all the windows of our house were flung wide open, my mother was unsuccessfully trying to summon my 12 year old brother upstairs. Each time she called to him he replied, "Just a sec, Mom!" After a fair amount of patience my mother got fed up and let him have it, "No more secs Dave! You've had plenty of secs and don't need any more!" She claims that her rant about Dave's excessive demand for secs only lasted a moment, but in my memory she went on and on for a couple of minutes.

Hmmm, I wonder what the neighbors thought of that.


Mom also has the most adorable speech issue in which she exchanges portions of words. Such as "cue blouch" instead of "blue couch." Normally it's meaningless but always good for a chuckle. However occasionally she comes out with some real gut busters. A few of which are legendary and worth documenting.

At a Relief Society event my mother noticed some available seats by her friend and was eager to suggest that she and several other ladies might be welcome there. She meant to say, "We can go sit by Cheryl." But the "s" and "sh" sounds got crossed, coloring her idea with implications not typically found at a church function!

Rumor has it that at a faculty meeting attended by my mother's co-workers, fellow teachers, and boss she rather innocently pointed out a pain-in-the-___ much to the delight of everyone there.

And my all time favorite: Shortly after my parents were married my mother was making arrangements for lunch with her mother. She wanted to suggest Kentucky Fried Chicken but exchanged the "f" and "t." (Take a second to think about that) Her mother, equally as angelic and innocent as she, was horrified! She just stared at her like why would you even say that?!! I have to wonder if she was blaming my father's influence for the sudden rebellious streak in my mother!

Ah, good times. I love you Mom. Thanks for all the laughs!